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a poopin' PSA frum ed

ed sez:

mommer wishes there wuz a door to close off the kitchen. she sez we is gettin' inta too much trubble in there lately.

but lemme tell you kittehs about a good thing that comes frum there, an' ya don't hafta swipe it!! (in fact, ya can't--it's inside a can, an' you needs opposable thumbs to git at it.) but that's ok--yer beans will giff it to ya wif no complaints. in fact, they'll be GLAD to giff it to ya: it's punkin. canned punkin, but not the ready-made pie fillin', just mushed up plain ol' punkin.

ya see, i had quite some nasty poopin' prollems last week (the "hershey skwerts", as skeezix terms 'em), an' mommer was gettin' really tired of washin' my fluffybutt. I was plenty tired of it, too. she started callin' me names like "stink-a-saurus rex" an' "stinkamundo" an' "godamightyedyouareRANK!" i felt like our relationship was onna downhill turn, but i behaved like the gentlemancat i am, firmed up my tremblin' chin, an' kept myself frum puttin' the bitey onner when she dunked my butt yet again. an' again.

since i din't act like there was ennythin' else wrong (i was eatin', drinkin', purrin', cuddlin' [when she'd let me, dependin' onna state of my pantaloons], bitin' nitro an' iggy, an' sleepin' inna same places) she finely went online fur advice, an' some kitteh's bean mentioned punkin. she went to the store an' got some, an' put a teaspoonful inna little cup fur me, an' a luff affair was borned!!! it was deelishus!! an' i got a spoonful wif all my meals after that--even after i stopped haffin' the runs! in just two days, i was back onna poopin' track. (she tole me she was nefur so happy to see one of my poops outside the box--where i allus poop--as that first one that wasn't a *splort*!)

so i hope if you efur suffer this undignified prollem, you will urge yer beans to remember this post, an' getcha some punkin. not efurrycat will like it, though--my dippy brofur nitro wouldn't touch it wif a stick, let alone his tongue, an' i find that kinda weird, since he's the same color as the punkin!

more thievery!!

 ed sez:  mommer made stir-fry last night. dad likes meat innit but she don't, so she cooked the meat separate to let him scoop up as much as he wanted. after dinner, she putted the lids on an' went to watch the noos befur puttin' the foods away inna cold box. big mistake. a few minnits went by. suddenly there was a big POP! frum the kitchen, then the sound of lotsa gravel (?!) scattering ... an' a red meniss streakin' through the liffin' room ZOOMMMMMMMMM

it wuz glass gravel.

this is all that is left of the meat pan lid. mommer's just glad that the little twerp scairt hisself away befur he got to enjoy his ill-gotten gains. both the sweepin' stick AND the floor-sucker hadda come out an' terrorized us all fur a while. me an' iggy got even wif nitro later, believe you me!! nitro's take on it all is, "if she din't want me to eat enny, why'd she leaf it out onna cooker?"

the great tape caper

yestiddy mornin', mommer an' dad bofe ast each ofur if they had tooken the tape offa the high cupboard where the cheezits useta live, an' they each sed, "no." privutly, they each thought the ofur one had tooken it off but din't remember, an' onna counta they bofe know they're gettin' old an' fergitful, they let it slide.  daddy re-taped it. they looked all ofur the floor an' the top of the cold box, but the missin' piece wasn't ennywhere to be found. later on, mommer brought out the rug-sucker-monster, an' IT din't find the tape wad, either.

after a while, mommer was washin' up some dishes an' heard a funny noise behint her, so she peeped ofur her shoulder, an' there was iggy--big as life--strippin' off the tape wif his teef. so we guesses the perp inna cheezits crime is obvious; or at least, the ringleader of it!

he caught him lookin' at her an' just kept strippin' away. then she sneaked her left hand ofur to her smartphone an' turned slowly while aimin' it. the little bugger quit as if he'd been shot. he nefur moved away from the cupboard, but he nefur turned an eye or a tooth in its direction as long as mommer was holdin' the phone. she put it back down an' went back to washin', annit wasn't long before she heard the funny noise again. she din't even bother lookin'.

she took the dish-sprayin' hose frum the sink an' whirled around an' gave iggy a good blast while yellin' right out loud that his kittymama an' kittydaddy wasn't efur married!!! he took off fur the bunker behint the sofa, an' was pretty darn sulky fur about a haff a day, long past the time he took to lick hisself dry. served him right, not adherin' to the gibbs-kitty rule #5: don't get inta mischief when the beans can see ya!!

but she does wonder what happened to the strip of tape that useta be there. she's checkin' the litter boxes right now.

a little night music ...

'amember the great cheezit caper? an' the follow-up? well, the case has been solved.

daddy's been tryin' ta quit smokin' an' the meddysin he's takin' makes sleepin' diffycult. so sunday night he decided to try sleepin' inna recliner chair (where he snoozes pretty good inna daytimes sometimes).

liffingroom: (lights go out, sound of recliner reclining.) (cue sound from kitchen:) *thunk* ... *thunk* ... *thunk*

enter daddy:  @*#()&  &*(*)@!!!!! *stomp* *stomp* *stomp*  (lights go on) what are you little foundlings doing??? (he said somethin' a little more earthy than "foundling".)

igmu, paw in cabinet door:   ummmm, nuthin'?

daddy:  "nuthin'" my @$$. gitouttathere! i'll fix yer wagon ::tape tape:: THERE! now lemme sleep dammit!

so, disabused of the oppertunity to raid the cabinet, quiet reigned for a while. then we went to sleep on daddy, an' daddy went to sleep inna bed. dunno whut his prollem was; WE were comfertable! ennyhoo, the upper cabinet where the cheezits useta live now looks like THIS, an' you saw the place they moved to inna "follow-up" linkie above.

LAST night, he decided he'd try sleepin' inna liffin' room again.


liffinroom: (lights go out, sound of recliner reclining.) (cue sound from kitchen:) *tonk* ... *tonk* ... *tonk*

enter daddy:  @*#()&  &*(*)@!!!!! *stomp* *stomp* *stomp*  (lights go on) igmu, you little (foundling), what are you into NOW???

igmu, paw wedged under edge of locked cabinet door:   ummmm, nuthin'?

daddy:  i'll sweartagod. i'd fix you good if i had kitty-sized handcuffs!!! ::rip, tape, tape, tie, latch:: let's see what you do NOW, smart@$$!!! *stomp* *stomp* *stomp* (exeunt daddy, stage left, igmu stage right.) (offstage, bedroom door closes emphatically.)

(we suspects this is onnea them stories that end wif "to be continued" ... ;-)

awwwwwwkkkkk!

mommer turned me inside out!!!

fank you all!

we fanks alla beans who served an' are servin' still today!

they is precious to us!!

peekaboo

mommer chosed this picture of nitro lazer-eyein' her to post today because it reminds her of a story about her nieces when they was young beans. they had a dawg named frou-frou who liked to dig tunnels in the soft sandy soil where they lived. one mornin' one (or a couple) of the girls (mommer can't remember acause it was about a billion sleeps ago) went lookin' fur f.f. an' came runnin' into the house all scared an' hollerin' "mama, mama! there's a monster in frou-frou's cave!!!!!" yup; lazer-eye strucked terror inta their li'l girlie hearts!

justice is served?

 this looks suspicious, in light of the recent violence upon cheezits at chez pierce. two of the suspects in that crime are acting mighty bold as a new cheezit box moves in near the site of the previous crime.

they look mighty snug as they get acquainted with their roomies. hope they will be safer than the last bunch, but -- the new digs are at ground level, where danger lurks!!!!

 well; isn't THAT clever. it seems they've locked up the victims, NOT the perps. hmmmmm. at least the cheezits are safe. 

something met a toothy death

well, a wounding, at any rate. usually when mommer gets up, iggy is layin' onna noospaper to keep it "hot off the presses" fur her. he wasn't there this morning. we ain't sayin' why.

this reminds mommer of a pome she writ a long time ago fur a kitty-who-came-befur, prrrrow. that was his name--he told her so.

toezie tuesday

cat crime whodunnit

at some time between bedtime last night and o-dark:thirty this morning, a crime was committed. the horrifying scene was discovered by an off-duty, barely awake crime-scene photographer on the early feeding shift. (o-dark:thirty, remember--hence the non-quality of some of the pictures.)

 

the scene: cabinet high atop pantry cabinet adjacent to cold-box storage. note the two bottles injured in the fray. fortunately, no leakage occurred.

victim 1:  found lying at the base of the pantry cabinet, 5' below the door of his home.

victim 2: found halfway across the kitchen; shared address with windex.

victim 3: another roommate of the two other vics. dragged bodily to the computer room, viciously ripped open, bitten severely, and completely eviscerated!! every scrap of his innards was gone!

suspects one and two: the bash brothers, aka ed and nitro. ed has a prior conviction for picking open a cabinet door, which crime was documented on film. nitro is known to be ruthless when lusting for cheese--even cheese-dust or crumbs.

suspect 3: igmu sapa, layin' low, up high. known to have an affinity for high places.
________________________________________

 a vigorous inspection of whiskers and paws followed immediately upon discovery of the crime, but results were inconclusive.

a known associate of the three, the dbd (aka cocoa), was positively excluded from suspicion, having been locked in the bedroom with the photographer and the photographer's husband during the period in which the crime occurred.

local law enforcement is stumped, so we put it to you, cat bloggers--

WHO DUNNIT?

HAPPY PURRTHDAY, MISS MARG!!

mr chewy review

some time (an embarrassin' amount of time, we admits), mr chewy's assistant, brent, invited us to eat an' review a variety of stuff frum mr chewy's webstore. well, free food? bring it on!!! so we's starting off wif cocoa, aka the dbd: mommer got her the doggie wishbone, the flossies spiral chew, an' the wizzlers beef treat. in her own words:

"mmmmm. chompslurpchewchewchewmmmmmmmsssslobberchompslurpnomnomnom. gulp. jeez, that was good--y'got enny more?"

no complaints from her at all, an' efurrytime mommer gave her one, she attacked them like she hadn't been fed for hours. really; she's a dawg--what can you expect? mommer thinks they were excellent quality, well packaged, din't stain the rugs, an' thinks they MUSTA been really good--the dbd even growled at us when we came ovur to sniff 'em, an' she usually doesn't do that.

now. on to the important stuff--OUR opinions!

zukes natural purrs tender chicken treats--four paws up (all of us liked them), an' mommer thought it was a furry good thing there is no wheat or corn or soy innit. (she's partial to rice an' barley herself, an' thought we should eat more.)

we kin say ditto--four paws up--fur the halo real chicken treats, although we don't remember that one real good, acause we inhaled it all inna first week!! mommer thinks that was the oven-baked one, an' she likes that idea.

the pure bit beef livver treats was fantastic, but we kin only gif it a three paws up--nitro wouldn't eat it. we dunno what is wrong wif him, because even xing, who doesn't usually eat treats, gobbled 'em up. mommer likes the idea of freeze-dried so it's not messy.

for the king kamehameha foods canned sampler: four paws up!!! we all of us adored the fishy goodness in efurry can (an' we fink there was a chicken one?), an' polished our dishes clean. me (nitro) an' ed both eat doctor foods, but mommer gave us goodish tastes efurry time. the only thing was, xing yakked up the mackerel flavor each time she had it. she liked it an' hoovered it up wif no hesitation, but later on was visited by the ghost of mackerel past. eh! she's a long-fur an' barfs a lot ennyway.

amongst the merrick gourmet foods canned sampler, efurry flavor was toothsome, an' we treated it as such. we LOVED the gravies, an' especially grammy's pot pie. there was just somethin' about that one--even daddy thought it smelled tasty (but we din't share). again, four paws up! nocat had any complaints about ennything, an' mommer liked the fact that most of them din't smell terrible strong to her puny nose.

daddy suggested that maybe "gormay" is wasted on us ozarks cats. hah! bast knows, if we eat mouses, mayflies, lizzerds, an' crickets in addition to human and grocery store & v-e-t foods, we obviously haf educated palates. we know what's good, an' by cod, alla the foods an' treats we got frum mr chewy is GOOD!

mr chewy carries 80 different brands of nutritious, pet-health-conscious foods, so there'll be somethin' there to make even the pickiest cat (or dawg) happy in a healthy was. an' if you're lookin' to avoid those last-minute trips to the store by yer staff when yer stummick's yowlin' fer food, they can even develop a delivery schedule tailored to meet your needs--so when you wants the food, it's already there!!

frenzy!!

here is a small portion of feeding time at the pierce zoo. if we kin keep frum tramplin' the videoist, we will try to post anofur portion at a later date. she's a little wary of nitro now ...

we has a guest today ...

last week, mommer took care of our buddies getzger, tubby, blue kitty, an' sprinky while miss ginger an' mr gary went walkabout. after she scooped their litter, she went to the sink to wash her hands an' was almost knocked ofur by an abyssinian inna extreme hurry. she had furgot that getzger loves to drink frum the faucet, so she let him slurp!

easy like ...

well, we don't call nitro "captain obvious" fer nuthin';-)

do i?

mommer tells me i look like somebean called jack benny.

i'm not sure that's a compliment.

olifs!!!

i doesn't know what is about olifs, but i sure loves 'em. they make me feel all googly-eyed an' catnippy inside. this is a green olif an' mommer kep' the red part all to herself, but it was still good--almost as good as the black olif i had a few weeks ago. olifs ... mmmmmm!

i'se werried ...

i dunno whut to do. mommer's discovered pinterest, an' we is perishin' fur lack of caterest!!!

 

she has promist to post tomorrow. we'll see how that werks out.