nitro defends himself on 13 points

aCOURSE i do these things; i'm a kitty, ain't i?

   1. sleep on ed. there's no one fluffier in the house to sleep on!
   2. pounce ed until he hollers. ahhhhh, that ain't hard. he's a sissy, for all his girth and bluster.
   3. put the bitey on nels. because he runs slowest.
   4. walk through the kitchen yowling for no reason. makes mom & dad wonder what i'm up to.
   5. chase nelson, ed, and xing, and eat their foods. why not? they hardly feed me enough; and besides, usually porker ed noses me outta my kibbles before he's finished with his, so i just get even!
   6. knock mom's earrings on the floor. they're sparkly, they move an' roll around in strange ways, and they're THERE. what more could i ask of a toy?
   7. tinkle in the not-yet-cleaned pottybox while mom cleans the ofurr one. then poop in the clean one. because i'm an equal-opportunity kinda guy.
   8. help himself to any foods left unattended. hey, you snooze, you lose.
   9. wake dad up early efurry day by singin'. i'm NOT singin'--i'm hollerin', 'cause cocoa has me pinned to the door. don't they hear all that bangin' an' thumpin'? what do they think i'm doing? they're tone-deaf if they think that's singin'!!!
  10. wake mom up FURRY early onna the weekend by singin'. ditto; cocoa just seems to want to get up earlier on weekends.
  11. drink mom's coffee while she's not lookin'. see #8. besides, she puts cream in it--what kitty wouldn't go after that??
  12. chase the red dot up ofurr cocoa's head. cocoa just LOVES surprises, so i do what i can to accomodate her!
  13. play wif mom's makeup when she leaves it out on the sink. no, i'm not tryin' it on--it's just that i can't help battin' around all those nice roll-y pots and tubes. if she doesn't want me to do it, she shouldn't leave them around!! she doesn't leave her shoes out where cocoa can chew them, does she? nope. i rest my case.