Still Life: Catloaf with Newspaper

i am here today to tell you about my rotten boycat brofur, nitro. 

on caturday, i was sleepin' on My Mama's lap inna livin' room. just sleepin', not wigglin', not wavin' a paw, not stretchin', not nuthin' but sleepin'. edmund jumped up an' layed onner left arm like he allus does; he doesn't bofur me much ennymore except to stare a little when he first gets onna chair. then i hisses at him to remind him that I am the LadyCat, an' he jus' squints an' turns away an' gets comfertable. sometimes i even let his furs touch mine, because he isn't lookin' at me. i know i sed i was gonna talk about nitro, but i mentions ed acause he is showin' signs of Learnin' Manners. My Mama sez it's just that he's gettin' to be an oldguycat an' doesn't wanna invest his energy in fightin' ennymore, but I believe it's my Good Influence. i will sivilize these boycats if it kills them!

howefur, things climbed into the handbasket when that fathead nitro jumped up onna footpart of My Mama's recliner chair an' layed down inna loaf position. an' he stared at me. wif great big wide-open eyes. an' din't blink. so i stared back. My Mama told him he hadda behave. he stared. i stared. his big fat right paw crept up ofur the blanket fold. i growled. he stared. i stared. My Mama told him to geddown. he din't lissen; he stared. i hissed. his ears airplaned, my ears airplaned, an' then the fight was on. on My Mama's lap!!!!

i was howlin', he was growlin', My Mama was shriekin'. we were grapplin' an' hissin', rollin' an' kickin'!! My Daddy got up outta his chair an' started to come ofur wif his hands extended, but My Mama hollered, "holy [bad werd], don't git in the middle of THAT!!" then an earthquake struck, an' nitro flew off the chair, an' i scrambled ofur to the side table, tremblin' an' hissin'. (My Daddy sed it sounded like a snake pit inna livin' room.) My Mama picked me up an' held me close an' talked nice, so i calmed down but kept hissin' at nitro acause HE. WAS. STILL. STARIN'. from his perch behind the other chair. so My Daddy lobbed a boot at him, an' he finally ran into the kitchen. (nitro, not My Daddy.)

finally, My Daddy opened the door to my suite of rooms an' i ran as quick as i could to the safety of my heated, hooded catcup, an' i din't come out again all day. i'm sorry i punctured My Mama a very little as i took off for the floor, but she nefur clips my hind claws so it's really her fault. anyway, i'm sorry.

so now you see what i hafta put up wif. i don't wanna fight wif the boys, i just want them to leave me alone in sole possession of My Mama's lap sometimes. is that so much to ask??

thank you, oui oui!!

we haf gotten an awardie from our furriend oui oui at twinkletoetails. we're all like, awwwww, shucks an' gee whiz, acause we don't hardly feel werthy, but we're proud to know we're appreciated!

THANK YOU, OUI OUI!!!


now we's s'posed ta award three ofur recipients, but mommer hasta leaf werk now, an' that's the only place she can post from--so bast willin', we'll do that tomorrow!