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a poopin' PSA frum ed

ed sez:

mommer wishes there wuz a door to close off the kitchen. she sez we is gettin' inta too much trubble in there lately.

but lemme tell you kittehs about a good thing that comes frum there, an' ya don't hafta swipe it!! (in fact, ya can't--it's inside a can, an' you needs opposable thumbs to git at it.) but that's ok--yer beans will giff it to ya wif no complaints. in fact, they'll be GLAD to giff it to ya: it's punkin. canned punkin, but not the ready-made pie fillin', just mushed up plain ol' punkin.

ya see, i had quite some nasty poopin' prollems last week (the "hershey skwerts", as skeezix terms 'em), an' mommer was gettin' really tired of washin' my fluffybutt. I was plenty tired of it, too. she started callin' me names like "stink-a-saurus rex" an' "stinkamundo" an' "godamightyedyouareRANK!" i felt like our relationship was onna downhill turn, but i behaved like the gentlemancat i am, firmed up my tremblin' chin, an' kept myself frum puttin' the bitey onner when she dunked my butt yet again. an' again.

since i din't act like there was ennythin' else wrong (i was eatin', drinkin', purrin', cuddlin' [when she'd let me, dependin' onna state of my pantaloons], bitin' nitro an' iggy, an' sleepin' inna same places) she finely went online fur advice, an' some kitteh's bean mentioned punkin. she went to the store an' got some, an' put a teaspoonful inna little cup fur me, an' a luff affair was borned!!! it was deelishus!! an' i got a spoonful wif all my meals after that--even after i stopped haffin' the runs! in just two days, i was back onna poopin' track. (she tole me she was nefur so happy to see one of my poops outside the box--where i allus poop--as that first one that wasn't a *splort*!)

so i hope if you efur suffer this undignified prollem, you will urge yer beans to remember this post, an' getcha some punkin. not efurrycat will like it, though--my dippy brofur nitro wouldn't touch it wif a stick, let alone his tongue, an' i find that kinda weird, since he's the same color as the punkin!

more thievery!!

 ed sez:  mommer made stir-fry last night. dad likes meat innit but she don't, so she cooked the meat separate to let him scoop up as much as he wanted. after dinner, she putted the lids on an' went to watch the noos befur puttin' the foods away inna cold box. big mistake. a few minnits went by. suddenly there was a big POP! frum the kitchen, then the sound of lotsa gravel (?!) scattering ... an' a red meniss streakin' through the liffin' room ZOOMMMMMMMMM

it wuz glass gravel.

this is all that is left of the meat pan lid. mommer's just glad that the little twerp scairt hisself away befur he got to enjoy his ill-gotten gains. both the sweepin' stick AND the floor-sucker hadda come out an' terrorized us all fur a while. me an' iggy got even wif nitro later, believe you me!! nitro's take on it all is, "if she din't want me to eat enny, why'd she leaf it out onna cooker?"

the great tape caper

yestiddy mornin', mommer an' dad bofe ast each ofur if they had tooken the tape offa the high cupboard where the cheezits useta live, an' they each sed, "no." privutly, they each thought the ofur one had tooken it off but din't remember, an' onna counta they bofe know they're gettin' old an' fergitful, they let it slide.  daddy re-taped it. they looked all ofur the floor an' the top of the cold box, but the missin' piece wasn't ennywhere to be found. later on, mommer brought out the rug-sucker-monster, an' IT din't find the tape wad, either.

after a while, mommer was washin' up some dishes an' heard a funny noise behint her, so she peeped ofur her shoulder, an' there was iggy--big as life--strippin' off the tape wif his teef. so we guesses the perp inna cheezits crime is obvious; or at least, the ringleader of it!

he caught him lookin' at her an' just kept strippin' away. then she sneaked her left hand ofur to her smartphone an' turned slowly while aimin' it. the little bugger quit as if he'd been shot. he nefur moved away from the cupboard, but he nefur turned an eye or a tooth in its direction as long as mommer was holdin' the phone. she put it back down an' went back to washin', annit wasn't long before she heard the funny noise again. she din't even bother lookin'.

she took the dish-sprayin' hose frum the sink an' whirled around an' gave iggy a good blast while yellin' right out loud that his kittymama an' kittydaddy wasn't efur married!!! he took off fur the bunker behint the sofa, an' was pretty darn sulky fur about a haff a day, long past the time he took to lick hisself dry. served him right, not adherin' to the gibbs-kitty rule #5: don't get inta mischief when the beans can see ya!!

but she does wonder what happened to the strip of tape that useta be there. she's checkin' the litter boxes right now.