Dear DammitJim

Your sweet little face now graces the header. Kindly leave off shredding the toilet paper in dad's bathroom. He didn't have anything to do with the lack of Jimness on the blog. That was totally and entirely my fault.

Thank you.  --The Mommer

finito!

(we left our tale yesterday wif us boycats tryin' not to asplode ... )

it was LONG past our suppertime, alla the windows had turned dark, an' finely mosta the humans slowly trickled out the front door. it got quieter an' quieter, an' only a couple of 'em were left. of cawse, they were sittin' onna couch, an' we din't dare come out even then. one of them kept pokin' down the back of the sofa at dammitjim acause she said she LIKED black kittehs. effidently mommer an' daddy knowed the ofur lady fur a long, long time (befur any of us, even, an edmund is 14!!!) an' we heard some stories that we nefur heared befur! It's hard to belief, but they were pretty funny sometimes, back inna day.

at last, the last two ladys lefted, an' mommer an' daddy started draggin' out trash bags an' stuff, an' at 10:30 IN THE PEEYEM, daddy finely fed us. (but not befur we peed long an' copiously--i bets edmund was inna bockus befur the last lady gotted in her car!)

so we ate, mommer an' dad wented to bed, an' we ventured out to sniff all the new smells that peoples lefted fur us. our noses was ofurloaded!! there was a bockus ofur in one corner that smelled inneresting. mr gary (miss ginger's husband) bringed it when they came in earlier an' tole mommer that he'd brought us kittehs a present. now, some of the humans bringed daddy presents an' some of 'em bringed the house presents (we know, we know ... silly). but he was the only one nice enuf to bring US one. we could hardly wait to see, but daddy was long gone an' we hadda wait 'til morning.

when he got up an' fed us on easy-like-sunday (which "easiness" we devoutly purred fer), he putted the bockus up onna table an' looked at it but din't open it. he stared outta the windows an' paced back an' forth from the dining room to the liffin-room. then he went outside wif the dbd an' did the same thing--paced back an' forth. we din't see him jump up an' down or hear him yell bad werds, so we guess he din't find the doggy landmine the dbd left out there while he was pacing. then they came back in, an' he went an' watched the talking bockus.

later, mommer finely dragged her as, errrr, gotted up an' made herself coffee. while she slurped it, she looked at the bockus an' 'splained to us that it's fer feedin' the fevvers outside when it gets cold!

food's hard fer fevvers to find then, so the 'rents are gonna put it inna backyard right by the windows behint the sofa. We'll haff a bird's-eye view (ahahahahahah! we kills us! we'f been waitin' to use that one this whole time!!!) of them fevvers hoppin' an' flappin' when they comes to dinner.

maybe even a quirrsel or two will be out there for us to chitter at, although mommer 'splained that the quirrsels are pacifically NOT invited to this restaurant. we dunno; the ones we've seen on our quirrsel video an' onna talking bockus wear some pretty nifty smartypants.

iggy was hopin' it could be a snack bar fer us, but since we can't efur go out, we guesses it'll remain just a snack bar fer the fevvers.

so ennyway, that's the story of our caturday frum hell, although the long-term bennyfits fer us seem like we'll enjoy 'em! we just hopes that this "housewarming" thing don't come around efurry year. an' if it do, it sure oughtta be inna winter. silly humans.

(we'll try not to make you wait all this long again ...)

Attention, DammitJim!!

This is your Mommer speaking. I have begun working on a new header picture and have already changed the wording in the sidebar to reflect your presence in the household. So kwitcherbellyachin'!!!

so, as we were sayin' ...

(we picks up our tale at the front door, where the dbd is woofin' up a storm, waggin' an' floggin' all wivvin the reach of The Tail of Death): 

mommer lets a coupla peoples we haf nefur seen befur come inna house, hugs 'em an' laffs wif 'em an' stands around talkin' wif 'em. just then, while we are cowerin' reconnoyterin' from behint dad's chair, we notices that all the forbidden doors inna hall are open (accept Xing's), but befur we kin scamper down there  to 'vestigate where we're not allowed, mommer starts walkin' wif  them peoples down the hall. an' the *DING DONG* sounds again--more woofin', more greetin', more ruckus! daddy lets four more stranger-humans come in, an' as far as WE're concerned, "that's all she wrote" (as pappy smiff useta say when there just wasn't enny more TO say). we scattered to our bunkers behint the sofa an' some ofur places we ain't tellin', an' hunkered down purrayin' that the invasion would be a quick one.

more *DING DONG*s, more stranger-humans (an' a few that we knows), an' even a coupla half-size humans. oh, the humanity! noise, noise, noise!! human beans roamin' all through OUR house--even on OUR CATIO--on OUR day, our QUIET day!!! finely, we lissens close an' finds out that this is a party fer daddy's purrthday an' at the same time, a party called a "housewarming" fur our new house.

purrthday parties we unnerstand. we discussed the "housewarming" thing amongst ourselfs, but couldn't figger out why they would wanna warm up the house inna summer, when they keep the cold-air thingy blowin' alla time to make it cooler. human beans is nutz, but you knows that already.

then yummy grilled-food smells began makin' our noses twitch, but efurryone stayed outside onna deck to eat an' there's no way we woulda come out to get ennything ennyway acause of all the stranger-humans. what torture!! at least most of the ruckus stayed out there, too. after a while, though, they all came back in an' the volume level gotted worse an' worst! most of 'em started drinkin' tea-colored stuff from little, tiny glasses about big enuf fer kitteh beer mugs, an' then it just got louder an' louder!! our ears felt like they were bleedin', an' there were so many beanlegs to weave through that we couldn't even go to our litter bockus out onna catio!! xing was the only lucky one--her door only got opened for a minnit or two, then closed again (but lotsa times), an' HER potty is right there in her room. us poor boycats din't dare pee in our bunkers acause then WE'd hafta smell it an' be wet, so we just tuffed it out an' tried not to asplode.

(thus endeth Part the Second. mommer's got the finger-numbies again, so we'll see you tomorrow. honest!)

we're BAAAAAAAAack!

... but only Bast knows for how long.

Nitro:  y'see, it's like this. we hafta depend on mommer to do the keyboard thingy fer us, an' she's just plain lazy  ummmm, been pretty distracted lately. (DammitJim: yeah, like since last Fall when I came onna scene. i'm a handful, she sez. *snark, snark*) anyway, we will try to whip her into shape errrrrr, convince her that it would be nice if we could be back onna bloggie, even though we see lotsa our furriends ofur on FaceButt. (*cuff* oOW! whatta heck, dammitjim?!) (mommer sez we should be nice to FaceBook acause ofurwise they will conduct tests on us wifout our nowlege, an' we hasn't studied enuf fer enny tests.) oh. well, then. *cheesy grin* them luffly folks at Fa... WAIT A MINNIT! dammit, are you messin' wif me? (*scoots*)

anyhoo, we wantsta register our collectif complaint about last caturday. caturday is the day that all cats holds dear acause lotsa their humans kin stay home an' chill wif 'em, an' it's generally a easy, laid back day fer all consurned. if there is a kitteh hell (an' we can't belief there is, acause ... well, kittehs, y'know!), it's like last caturday.

ackshully, it all started on furriday. both mommer an' dad were home an' bustlin' around like their tails were on fire, inning an' outing, haulin' stuff here an' there, goin' away inna car an' comin' back, shovin' foods inna cold box, makin' some foods that smelled a little iffy (but we snoopervised ennyway), etcatera, etcatera, etcatera. daddy drove his grassmower around the house like a maniac. we couldn't hardly move fast enuf from one window to the next to keep an eye on him! we was plum' azossted by the time supper came around an' we went early to our various beds! (so did they.)

we was convinced they would sleep late on caturday acause they are old, an' workin' that much generally makes 'em pretty docile the next day. but NO! the rug- and toy-sucking monster came out early to torment us. daddy started draggin' stuff through the kitchen an' out onto to our catio, bangin' an' crashin' all the way. then he hauled out stuff outta the little buildings out back an' lugged it up onna deck. mommer was messin' inna kitchen again. we was snoopervisin' (an' gettin' absocatly NUFFIN' fer our eggsellent advice). finely, about middle afternoon, they each went an' stood inna rain box for a while an' then sat down in their poofy chairs when they was dry.

peace at last.

*DING DONG*
"BOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW! WOOF-WOOF-WOOF!"  SLOBBER-SLOBBER!

drat that damnbrownbawg, ennyway!

(thus endeth Part the Furst ... mommer's fingers is numbly-tingly, an' she hasta rest 'em. more tomorrow, we promises!)

HEY!!!!!

mommer!!!! i'm lookin' at this header up above an' my picture ain't onnit! my name ain't even inna sidebar. whenya gonna get wiffit???

sincerely yers, yer own little boycat who luffs you treemendusly wif all his heart an' soul,

dammitjimjamestkirk, captain