oh, ok, there was a flag wavin'. there was a mom, all right, but she had shampoo in her hand. there was a hot dawg, but she was dipped. apple pie? try pills!! an' for us innocent kitties, there was incarceration, plain an' simple.
it's all them darn fleazers' fault! they crowded in an' brought alla their relatives last week, so mom 'n' dad got some organic stuff to sprinkle onna carpets an' furnychur, an' to drop on our necks acause mom had been worryin' more an' more about chemicals an' kitties. but we turned into greasy, itchy messes, an' the fleas LOVED the organic stuff. they liked it so much, they sold it at their circuses for treats! we counted five circuses and 11 carnivals!!!so today, the house got rug-sucked even in places there wasn't rugs, an' the slaughter of the fleazers began. we all got capstar pills, an' the fleazers drove us WILD in their haste to get offa us before they died; not many made it out alive.
xing (who has a really BAD flea allergy an' was all scabby) an' the geezer cat got baths wif a oatmeal soap in it. more fleazers perished. them two got packed into PTUs an' dumped onna carport.
then ed & nitro got dipped and stuffed in their PTU. still more fleazers became ex-fleazers.
cocoa got dipped, but SHE got to go run out inna field an' roll around. no PTU for her. unfair!!! she's a dawg, for bast's sake; she's a lesser being--an' she went free! where's that kitty constitution? there oughtta be somethin' in there about persecution!
then they put bombs inna house (but we din't hear no loud noises, an' it din't fall down), an' we languished in our PTUs onna carport for almost three hours! if we hadn'ta been soppin' wet [mom's note: we toweled 'em off, honest, we did!], we coulda took several naps in that time. but NOOOOOOOO. we hadda work, work, work to get ourselfs presentable again. an' after we FINALLY got back inna house, they made us STARVE a whole half hour before giffin' us our just desserts. an' main courses. an' by golly, there BETTER BE QUALITY TREATS later!
although it was kinda nice sittin' outside, chatterin' at the birdies up close, seein' the damdog make a bigger fool of herself by chasin' her ball, an' watchin' dad usin' a tennis racket an' a baseball bat to do battle wif a big ol' bee who din't wanna share carport space wif us. we could get useta that "outside" thing, if we din't hafta be locked in our PTUs. dad laughed at the notion of a stroller, an' we've tried the halter an' leash thing. maybe we can get them to get us a tent!
anyway, that's the story of the inglorious fourth at our house. we hope none of you endured such a day, but had a safe, happy celebration wif yer famblies!
