(an' our furst official act will be to keelhaul th'autopost function!)
yarrrrrr, me hearties!!! heed me, all four-leggers, two-leggers, fliers, an' crawlers within th'sound o'me voice – whether ye be aboard our good ship the cat o'nine tails or ye be gathered on other vessels here in the mightiest piratecat flotilla ever: be welcome!!i be yer ’umble cap’n, mao fang,
an’ these scallywags be yer crew:
nitro the nasty
xing the slice
an' igmu the irascible. note ye well that last year’s scrawny cabinkitt has done some growin’ an’ be now a full member o’the ship’s company. he be our lookout inna crow's nest, an' we be proud to say he been a-practicin'. his eyes be as sharp as his claws, an' the crewmembers attest to that!
oh, all right, we be kiddin'; here he be in his akshul post:
::doffs his headgear:: on a most sombre note, we regrets t'state that this has again been a sad summer 'mongst our comradely band, an' many of our furriends haff sailed off t’the rainbow bridge ahead of us. let us all hang our heds an’ droop our tails in their mem’ries for a moment, whilst we 'members them in their best days. ::sound of crickets and blowing wind::
::hat on:: we dedicates this day to them!
now, ye know well that piratin’ be an exhaustin’ manner o’earnin’ yer livin’, an' sorrow be terrible wearin' on the soul. in truth, i be cravin’ a bit o’time spent leisurely-like, an' so today the cat (an' us cats) shall sail to a beauteous island where we has no cares an’ no worries.
we has a true-drawn map 
an' a trusty crew. what say ye—will ye follow an' share in our revelry?
then let's away!!!! ::chains rattle, the sheets fill in a spanking breeze, and the fleet moves stately towards the open sea. voices are heard:
It's our time to go now,
: Haul away your anchor:
It's our sailing time.
Get some sail upon her
: Haul away your halyards :
It's our sailing time.
Get her on her course now
: Haul away your fore sheet :
It's our sailing time.
below, ye'll find the finest o'amenities available to ye--
soft beds an' couches
tasty food fur cat, woofie, birdie, er bun,
an' libations both intoxicatin' an' mild--
hoist a flagon t'yer neighbor an' enjoy yersel's.
::time passes, the rigging creaks, the kitties feast, drink, chase up and down the masts, and nap a bit::
::igmu:: ahoy, cap'n!! the island be dead ahead!! ::cats rush helter-skelter to the rails; a few, who have never gained their sea legs, appear a bit greenish but game . . . ::
::the ships heave to (as do some greenish kitties), and boats make way to the warm, inviting beach::
ahhhh. stretch yer legs, me buckos an' buckettes. there be huts like unto those ahead scattered all ofur the isle. these be our homes fur th' day an' evenin'.
choose which ye will, therein be all manner o' luxuries, includin' a welcome basket for each o'ye. 
by the bye, bear in mind that the comfort stations bear a passin' resemblance to yer hut
so be sure there be no confusion in yer minds as to which be which, or we be losin' the clean-up deposit!
within thy huts again be more toothsome delicacies laid out for ye in the way o' food an' drink,
there be an eating competition scheduled for th' noon meal, a six-legged race an' lectronic games for the kits,
an' an under-the-door-limbo competition early this evenin'.
there also be pig racin', for yer wagerin' pleasure. we still be seekin' volunteer jockies.
the losin' mount will be guest of honor at the luau later! 
for the venturesome, we has a small fast boat ready fur those what may fancy a bit o'spray in their faces. (yes, there be cats what don't mind the wet, an' we hopes they takes the oppertunity to revel in it!) 
late this evenin' there will be illuminations an' bonfires, which ye may watch from the safety o'the ship or from yer hut, dependin' on yer degree o'distain fur loud noises.
then shall we be shephered by morpheus to our well-deserved rest, an serenaded by th'soft murmur o' th' tide.
on the morrow, tarry yet a while if ye will--there be breakfast in bed for all who savor such!
we thanks ye each an' all fur the sharin' o'th' day, an' hopes the memories will keep ye warm on such cold nights as come.
by th'Pow'rs, we o'th' cat o'nine tails bid ye all adieu, an' wish ye a fair wind an' a followin' sea where an' whenefur ye go.
