DO YE SAIL WIF US TODAY?

arrrr, lads 'n' lasses!! pay heed t'me this day, an' we'll sail fine an' true. now, climb aboarrrr the good ship "cat o' nine tails" an' let's be off for our anchorage! just be rememberin' that there be no poopin' onna poop deck. there be litter boxes below fer ye comfort.

i be yer cap'n, nelson the cranky. beware, lest ye earn yerself a keel-haulin'. the surest way to that be touchin' o' me hindquarters, so keep yer distance from me coattails!!

sailin' wif us today be first mate chow yung fatcat, an' our second mate, nitro the nasty!














our ship's company made a wee visit last night to a small port town, an' came away wif some superb booty. resident femmecat fatale, xing the slice, kep' the populace at bay, errrrr . . . amused till we could take on our carrrrrgo. an' when we left, we threw a little barrrrbeque for them to remember us by. yarrrrrr.





now as we be underrrrr sail on the way to our snug harborrrr, we points out to ye that not all denizens o'the sea be tasty snacks.


some be eye candy, what be things o'beauty, like, but not edible. (although there be some what claims they "has a flavor" . . .)


these seagoing beauties be knowed as "sireeeens", an' they sings beautymous music, but ye must not harken!!!! we finks we did hear her song what lures brave cats to their doom: "skeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzy! skeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzyyyy". yarrrr. that's what it sounded like ter us. we put on more sail, an' made way up the coast!

ahoy! thar be our cove!! fear not, me bravos an' bravettes--there be dories aplenty to be bringin' ye ashore. not a whisker will be dampened, i swear it by davy jones!!

(by the bye . . . . there be no poopin' on the beach, neither. ye'll be findin' plenty o' comfort stations in the underbrush.)

an' should ye be in need ov a nap an' want no sand in yer fur, there be plenty o' these comfy beds scattered 'round in shade an' sun.






an' fer the fillin' o' yer tummies, we recommends these fine vittles what we liberated from that wee port last night (along wif the servin' staff). there be hammm, there be chicken, there be chicken o' the sea! there be hammmm! there be lobster, there be gravlax, there be green leafs an' orange-color sticks fer the buns an' ratties, there be fruits an' veggies o' all description. oh, an' beforrrrr i fergets, an' there be hammmmmmmmmm!!!!!!! yarrrrrr. *slurp*




we'll also be broachin' of the varrrrrious containers o' liquid refreshment, an' there be copious fresh water springs a little ways inland. (we does NOT recommend the ocean waters, should ye be brave enough to lave yer toezies in the surf--be goin' an' washin' yer feets in one o' the springs--the salt'll leave ye parched if ye bathes it away on yer own.) there be many, many kegs o' tuna water, as i promised ye, an' there be niptinis an' jugs o' catmint rrrrrrrrum an' catnip mead for ye as imbibes spirits!

when the sun sets, we'll be sharin' out the booty from that little port -- arrrrr, first mate fatcat! what were the name o' that scurvy shanty town? arrrrr, yairs--that were it---dogville. strange how they come to be havin' such delightsome treats as be fit fer kitties. perhaps they were ready to mount an offensive on the nearby island of cattania, an' we relieved 'em o' the bait they'd use to lure the kitties out into the open!

why, yarrrr. that be it! we done a sarvis for our bretheren an' sisteren of cattania. i be minded to let 'em know, an' be collectin' a rewarrrrrd, i be! we sails tomorrow for meowville, the capital of cattania! make a note o' that, fatcat. should i be somewhat foggy w' the drink on the morrow, i task ye with bringin' our destination to me attention, after a respectful silence. an' in a quiet voice, mind ye!!

inna meantime, me hearties, let's us go an' make free w' the booty from the many chests we collected. here be an example o' the least of 'em. there be yummies an' toys o' all kinds, an' they be ours . . . all ours! let us enjoy 'em in good health!!

when ye be partied out, hail yerself a dory an' return t' our good ship cat o' nine tails. we'll be makin' a last sweep fer sleepin' kitties at eight bells o' the first watch (that be midnight, for ye lubbers), an' ferryin' the bodies to the ship, for we sails at first light. fatcat! where be we bound, again? arrrrr, cattania, that be it. thank'ee.

i takes good care o' them what sails wif me. it's allus calm seas an' fair weather when cap'n nels be at the helm. our ship's fair company hopes ye enjoys yer day an' puts the recent troubles outta yer minds fer a while. we be prrrroud to call ye our mates!