13 things mom said this week so far . . .

1. Nitro, please do NOT headbutt my hand while I’m painting this earring. Please! Pl . . . damn. C’mere, you—you wanna magenta mustache?
2. Which one of you hairy warts knocked the lid off that saucepan? You don’t even LIKE cauliflower.
3. Hey, fatboy, who told you you could sit on my plate?
4. Jeez, Ed! Where do you keep your nose? In the icebox??
5. I’m going to de-whisker the next mother’s son of you that licks the butter stick!
6. Nitro, you are NOT lost. If you MUST holler like that, please go in the laundry room where the echo is better, and it’s far enough away that you won’t drown out the TV.
7. What criminal mastermind picked open the liquor cabinet door? And why???!!
8. GeddouddahereNOWWWWWW!
9. Xing, this is MY litterbox room—you have your own. I need no help whatsoever.
10. How did the timer for the living room light get all screwed up? Have one of you been scratching an itch on it?
11. Baby girl, you can’t fit in th . . . oh, never mind. I guess you can. But can you get out?
12. Is it possible that yet another sweet, cute, adorable, cuddly kitty has deposited a hairwad the size of Cincinnati on daddy’s shoe? I suppose he should be glad it’s not IN his shoe.
13. I love you kitties, I really, really do.

Yeah, mom. We love you, too.