19 September 2011

we sails today!

meyarrr, me hearties! 'tis meself, meow fang,

what greets ye all this day aboard the good ship cat o'nine tails as we meet to form a mighty Flotilla an' sail to high adventure! we does this, as allus, inna names of all those furriends what haff gone befur us t'th'Bridge in this past year, an' we deddycates this moment o' silence to their mem'ries as we names them in our hearts!!
::seabirds call, wind snaps canvas, spars creak, an' waves slosh against the hull::

an' now, if all ye present will do me the kindness o'meetin' wif me in me cabin there to sign the articals as do all good gentlecats o'th'sea, an' please t'furget not to sign 'round the edges o'th'document, that its verity be ne'er questioned, then shall we share a toast o'rumfustian or bumboo or toona joose to our enterprise an' be under way in no time atall. 

inna meantimes, all ye lubbers what be sailin' along of us not as piratecats but as meer turisters an' mayhap haf not been t'sea befur may study the drawin' at left an' get the plan o'the ship fastened in minds, that ye be not losted to us at a critical moment. an' we bid ye not to confuse the "poop deck" wif th' "head", which be the sand-filled orlop deck!

::the lubbers study intently. one by one, the signers regain the deck with varying degrees of cheer, depending on how earnest their toasts were. the emerging crew assume their posts, and the visiting captains depart for their own ships. meow fang speaks::

meYARRRR! ::draws in a hearty breath:: ah, how i loves me th'scent o' catnip inna mornin'!! furriends, we be sailin' t'the north--a far cry from the warm carib an' south sea waters o'the past voyages. in those days, we were sailin' away from our trubbles; this year, i believes we needs t'occupy oursel's in honest treasure huntin' as a way o'healin'. (besides, the treasury o'the Piratecats Confederation be a trifle short o'th' ready; an' as gentlemen seacats, ye are well acquainted wif the phrase, "if there be no prey, there be no pay".) we haf a true-drawn map o' Oak Island,

where that blaggard Cap'n Bushbeard be rumored to haf interred a mighty treasure, so we bids ye buckle yer swashes an' shake out yer winter fur--t'will be a chilly cruise, aye, but t'will bring us riches an' honor! i swear it by th'good Saint Robert o'Middleton!!

we knows that efurry ship do face the perils o'th'sea. there be krakens seizin' vessels an' merdogs howlin' sweetly-like to lure unsuspectin' ships t'their doom.

be ye unconcerned that we shall meet wif these trubbles--i haf been reliably informed by our cook that due to th'fightin' skills of our doughty crew,  these partikular perils be no more than ways t'supplement our larder--

which in these days o'straitened funds consists of salmagundi, hammm, cackle fruit, hardtack, hammmm, an' toona joose. so let's make way!!!!!!!!

::the assembled Flotilla moves stately up the coast. time passes, and a lookout spies the island.::
land ho, cap'n.

aye? where away?

it be two points off the starboard bow, sir!

helmsman, d'ye haf an eye on't? make for it!

aye, cap'n! i does, an' i will!

nitro--you an' igmu be signalin' t'th'Flotilla--we rondyvoos in a turn o'the glass! ::two tails begin to wag complex figures from the fo'c'sl deck, informing the Flotilla's ships of meow fang's command. ship's boats begin to make their way to shore and soon a vast company is assembled. the order to commence digging is given, and sand flies everywhere.::

yarrr, bejaybers, lads! be ye not so unhandy in yer kickin' sand abaft--i be standin' here, ye brainless picaroons! ::muffled cries of "aye, cap'n" are heard, followed by vigorous showers of sand:: arrr. some o'these swabs will kiss the gunner's daughter afore this all be done! ::meow fang retires to the shade of a nearby tree, naps, and arises after a bit to play the cello; a report of progress is brought to him by a draggle-tailed tabby::

errr, cap'n?


we be findin' some fine scratchin' posts here below--t'was oak we shredded fur a goodly while. then there were a bit of dampenin' to our paws, an' it turned a bit mucky, but we persevered an' haf now struck some mighty fine shredded fibers what seem to haf already been shrod to their limit! the second gang o' diggers be now below.

all's well, then, an' progress abides, eh, tabman?

aye, sir.

go rest ye inna shade, or make off t'the races; some of the younger folk haf found feral hawgs an' organized some ennertainments. an' the both winners AND losers o'the race, bigod, will be the star guests at our evenin' meal!! MOL!!
::after a while, another somewhat damp kitty approaches, and announces::

ahoy, cap'n--we haf just gone swimmin' wiffin ye pit wherein water gushed like (shudder) bafftime, an' all of our shift haf escaped ol' jonesy but narrowly, if ol' jonesy can be said to inhabit a hole inna ground, yet it seems as it might be his territory as the swimmin' water be tastin' of sal...

YARRRRRR! belay yer jib-jab an' speak straight er i'll turn The Slice on ye!

aye, cap'n--what i means to say is, we of the second crew brought drillin' truck wif us to see how much further down we might be diggin', as all the diggers were consarned that we might be wetted beyond a cat's tolerance if we were to dig sufficient t'win through to the prize, don'tcha see, wifout...

DAMME! can ye not talk straight? are ye a sea-lawyer in disguise? can NOcat deliver this clobber-head of his burthen?

::the discredited cat backs up into the brush and disappears. from the same brush, a small tortie lass edges forward and says::

aye, cap'n, by yer leave--he means the drill seems to go downward furefurr, an' we be pullin' up bits an' pieces o'trash, but ne'er a bit o'kibble nor gold. howefur, i did notice that some twenty feets above where we haf dug to, there be a small dent inna wall that seems a wee bit different in composition from the surroundin' walls. i proposes we digs side-wise there, an' sees what we shall see.

although thou be but a small kit yet, i believe ye may be in possession of the largest brain onna second shift. ye must eat an uncommon lot o'fish, that bein' brain food. go ye an' do as ye will, an' report back to me so soon as ye may.

aye, cap'n fang; i shall see it done!

::some little while passes, and the tortie kit returns::

cap'n? the engineerin' lads haf hauled up many a sturdy box. would ye honor us wif yer presence an' tend to the openin' of them?

indeed, li'l missy, that i will do with a right good will!

::ka-crunch! one swift wrench of meow fang's paw hauls open the first box, and he exclaims::

oh, by great poseidon's hairy left n ... er, um ... pinkytoe--it be gold!!! true an' pure by the look o'it. arrrrr! we haf wrested back some o'that which were filched contumely from us ofur the years! quartermastercat! present yerself an' take these chests to our countin' room, an' commence to figgerin' up the shares! i doubt not that this be the treasure which many haf sought an' failed t'find, even to the loss of their lives. it took many an' many a wily, wicked scheme to separate us hard-workin' folk from't, and but a small kitty's wisdom to unearth it again to our benefit--i would petition the ship's company that she be awarded an extra share fur her savvy! where be the lass? i would haf her sit wif me at the feast tonight!!

::no one sees the tortie in the immediate area. runners are dispersed to find her. time passes. the torches are lit, the tables are laden, the strains of "fifteen cats on a dead man's chest — Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of toona joose" are heard at the fringes of the dining area. meow fang's voice is heard over the music and general uproar::

 well? well? where be the lass? i haf bid ye request her presence!


cease yer mutterin', i say!! where hath she gone?

::xing the slice slinks forth and says::

good cap'n, sir, i haf sent out missives to each an' all masters o'th'Flotilla. each haf returned th' information that there were no wee tortie aboard their vessels, nor on their rolls as crew or turist. no one onna second diggin' shift recalls that there were any cat o'that description amongst 'em. they all agree that they sorta just all decided to go back up to that spot an' dig. no one recalls who first voiced the idea, it seemed to be a common accord. 'tis seemin' like a mystery, my cap'n.

aye, xing, that it seems. *sigh* a winsom lass she were, too. shall we see her again? i wonders.



Admiral Hestorb said...

This is a masterpiece!! It is! What a great story and it had me on the edge of my cushion searching for some 'nip! I got that excited.

Mr Puddy said...

Wow ! Impressive Post ! let`s drink fer celebrate Buccanneer Meow Tide !
Happy Meow Like Pirate Day

Sweet Purrfections said...

I'm very impressed! This was really a great post that kept my interest from the beginning to the end.


Random Felines said...

That was a wonderful adventure. We will keep our eyes peeled for that tortie kit!!

Ginger Davis Allman (The Blue Bottle Tree) said...

We all know that little tortie lasses are the wisest and the most mysterious. I've never met one yet who didn't have special powers.

Jans Funny Farm said...

Cap'n meow fang, you do command a great ship. What a fine log you keep too. We enjoyed reading this portion of it.

Cat said...

I'm speechless except to say "ARRRRRR" Great post kids, happy meow like a pirate day :-)

Brian said...

Happy Meow Like a Pirate Day! Watch out for that poop deck!!!

The Meezers or Billy said...

wow, now that we readed that and had a few rashuns of rum, LET'S GO!!

meowmeowmans said...

Ye spins a mighty yarn, mateys! Happy Meow Like a Pirate Day to ye!

Katnip Lounge said...


A fine tail indeed fer a long blustery eve, safe ashore from ghostie Tortie lassies!

Blaggard Bushbeard---har har har!!

dArtagnan Rumblepurr/Diego Hamlet Moonfur said...

hahahaha! What a brilliant story, and the photos have our Rumblemum laughing her head off!

Anonymous said...

Mee-arrrggghhh! Happy Miaow Like A Pirate Day!

Dora the Explorer xxx
(small tortie girl!)

The Florida Furkids said...

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of toona joose to you!!! A pawsome pirate post!

Happy Meow Like a Pirate Day!

The Florida Furkids and Angel Sniffie

LP said...

Now that was a tale indeed no doubt spun after a nice barrel of nip... Yo ho ho and a barrel of nip!!Blimey your pirate talk was purrrfection! Great, fun post! Arrrrrgh mateys! Happy Meow like a pirate day!!

the critters in The Cottage
P.S. Thanks for popping by our blog and leaving a great comment :)

The Island Cats said...

Ahoy mateys! Ye tell a fine pirate tale!! Arrrrr!!

Kwee Cats said...

Wow! Blimey! Cor what a great post ye gots there! Informative and whollopin' fun! We so honored teh be ah sailin' the seas with ye, me fine mateys. Weigh anchor, and let's be off!

Unknown said...

A fine tale (or tail), if ever there was one. I particularly like the merdog.

Memories of Eric and Flynn said...

Arrr that be a fine tale. We were on the edge of our seats. We be late leaving and late arriving but now we be here to rendezvous with the great Cap'n Meow Fang and yer treasure chest.

Oui Oui said...

Wow! I'm glad I saw your post today when I can talk like a regular kitty. That was amazing! I love the merdogs and Capt Meow Fang! Excuse us, while we go read it again!

Ellen Whyte said...

You really went all out. We love it! And we'll never confuse the poop deck with the head again. promise.

Greenie said...

thankyou for the motivational story

my catfriends and i are now meowing for an adventure like yours

i will just have to lick my paws patiently, knowing that you will take me next time

endearing hardships

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