06 March 2008

a few more than thirteen . . .

Following is the first (and only) draft; it's your last chance to contribute!!


Whereas: All cats (an' their squillion cousins) are created equal and superior to other life forms, and all other, lesser species must learn to deal with those facts,

We the Felines (an' Squillions) of the World, in order to form a more beneficial union with lesser species, establish justice, insure our domestic tranquility, provide for our common defense, promote our general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty and a quality lifestyle to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Catstitution. Let it hereinafter be known that all rights and benefits which accrue to cats do also accrue unto squillions!

I. All cats have the right to be worshipped as they please.

II. No gov or mint shall infringe upon kitties’ freedom to screech.

III. All cats have the right to keep and bear/bare our claws, and this right must not be infringed upon with claw-trimmers of any sort.

IV. No new kitties may be quartered, temporarily or permanently, in cat-occupied domains without specific prior permission from the cat occupants.

V. All cats have the right to not be unreasonably squished into PTUs and transported to beans of the veterinary persuasion, nor have their catly persons violated with cold thermometers and stabby needles, without probable cause, i.e., incontrovertible evidence that illness is present and/or a request from the cat in question.

VI. All cats have the inalienable right to walk on any surface, sleep anywhere, and groom themselves anywhere they please.

VII. All cats are perfect, just as they are, no other life form shall have the right to pass judgment as to height, weight, and ratios thereof upon them.

VIII. All kitties have the right to nap in peace without flashy boxes in their faces.

IX. All kitties have the right to nutritious food and clean water on demand, not when the beans/staff/slaves finally decide to pull themselves out of bed or off the couch.

X. All kitties have the right to have as much ham and tem-tay-shuns as desired without working for them.. “Stupid pet tricks” are for dogs.

XI. All kitties have the right to have all the cabinet doors left open at all times.

XII. All cats have the right to daily playtime with their beans/staff/slaves.

XIII. All cats have the right to get medieval on the butts of any human who stands on a kitty tail.

XIV. All kitties have the right to have nip upon request.

XV. All cats have the right to go outside without snoopervision, as long as they do not get into any trouble (including putting themselves at risk of lives [1 through 9] and limbs), and come home when called.

XVI. All kitties have the right to kill mice and other prey as available, and furthermore, said prey shall not be "saved" by squeamish humans. Gratitude to and admiration of the cat is incumbent upon the human when presented with a trophy. And smile when you say it!

XVII. No kitty, ever, is responsible for breakage.


Samantha & Mom said...

That is a great Catstitution!!! It has all the stuff we need to have our rights known!! Thanks for doing this for us!
Your FL furiends,

Magoo, Smudge, Bella & Dolce said...

Make sure our lawyer, J Finnegan, esq. gets a copy of this asap in case we needs to file a constitutional challenge against an uniformed bean.

As The Squillion World Spins said...

Dear Xing Lu, Nels, Nitro and Ed:
Thank you for including Squillions in the Catstitution. We are so excited about this.
Your Squillion cousins,
Bernard Jameson

Diamond Emerald-Eyes said...

This seems entirely reasonable to me!

Anonymous said...

Something about warm spots that beans leave when they get up from a chair. And rights to a sunbeam, electric blanket, and lying on the heat vents.

Gemini and Ichiro said...

I am having feline attorneys study up on this so that I can follow it exactly when I am president.

We do, however, need the first amendment--or is it the 18th--that says that no cat shall wear clothing if they do not want to.

LZ said...

Oh this is good!

Daisy said...

I think we need to "rattify" this catstitution!

Zippy, Sadie, Speedy and M'Gee said...

Don't furget our rights to "sunspots, warm beds and the best sleeping spots". We even make dad arrange the covers on da big bed so we can all sleep der. He's learning well, fur a bean.

Spike William and Angels China Cat and Willow said...

This is a terrific Catstitution! I especially like number X: stupid pet tricks are certainly not for cats!

Purrrrrrrs, China Cat

KC and the Giggleman Kitties said...

KC said...
i finks there should be sumfing about our inherent rights to being nocturnal. Affer all, it is our nature.
If'n we wants to play thundering herd of elephants at 3 a.m., is that not our birthright? Alarm clocks certainly were not "invented" fur us cats.
Great job you are doing here...
Purrs, KC

pee ess: hee hee, Daisy, rattify!

Hot(M)BC said...

Eggsellent! Grate job yall!
Woo hoo!
Alla Us

Anonymous said...

we love it! can you put in something about fev-ver toys? and fev-ver butt mousies? oh, and the kittens want the right to play tub hockey with the rattly balls all night long if they want.

Just Ducky said...

Excellent! Virginger thanks you for including Squillions.

Parker said...

This is excellent! Where do I sign?

Alexi said...

No cat will be discriminated against based on any physical attribute, origin, or breed.

This catstitution cannot be rendered null or void.

I recommend not just ratifying the catstitution but that we catify it!

The Crew said...

Wonderful! Where do we put our pawprint?

Artsy Catsy said...

Yes, we must catify this Constitution immediately! It's very important to have a democatic government of the cats, by the cats, and for the cats!!

& everykitty at Artsy Catsy

Tyler said...

Wonderful, wonderful! Finally something to show our Mom that's in writing. Now we need to come up with consequences for any violations of our catly rights.

Thank you so very much!

Zoolatry said...

If you want to send the finished work to us as a word document... we can do it up in photoshop on parchment paper, etc etc so it looks kind of official... let us know... zoolatry@gmail.com

Victor Tabbycat said...

Wonderful! I'd add that anyfing not nailed down is a cat toy! Do we gots the rite to be treated as invisibull when we finks we's invisibull? An lastly, when we do sumfing the beans fink is foolish, we haf the rite to claim, "I meant to do that!"

If you make the catstitution into a PDF file, it can be stored on the interwebs sumwhere furefur an it'll be safe from You Vee lite, firewalls, and treasure hunters who fink der's an invisibul map on the bak.

Anonymous said...

hey Victor - I agree about stuff not being nailed down would all be cat toys, but what about stuff that IS nailed down, but you managed to work the nails loose with your teeth and pulled out the thingy that was holding up the bookshelf and made the shelf fall and the books crash to the floor? that little shelf holder thingy was a really fun cat toy till the Lady took it away.

Tara said...

I'll add my pawprint!


Fat Eric said...

Where do I sign? That's brilliant!