17 June 2009

splinters an' splatters

lemme tell ya, if ya wanna wake up yer beans wif a bang, just push a jar of spaghetti sauce off the table onto the quarry tile floor inna middle of the night! it scared th’ lights an’ liver outta me, as well as a lotta hairs an’ about one anna half lives! dad watches war stories onna talkin’ picture box alla time, an’ this sounded just like somma them big bombs.


all i wanted was somma them tasty salsa-an-cream cheese flavored crackers inna box mom left onna table. i fooled her, ‘cause i left ‘em there unbothered for two whole days, so she wouldn’t fink i wanted them! then the beans went to bed, an’ i waited a long, long time before i started wrasslin’ that box. it was tougher than i ‘spected, an’ i hadda get rough wif it, bunny-kickin’ it an’ all. i was just about to get the inside skin open an’ scoop out a pawful, when a bunny-kick backlash got the jar, an’ ofur the side it went! KER-WHAM!!!


i was inna livin’ room under the recliner before i knew what was happenin’! then dad anna dambrowndog came outta the bedroom, an’ i got a quick, comprehensive refresher course in the bad werd list, but din’t learn any new ones this time. i think he was still too sleepy to make any up. acourse, dbd wanted to lick the sauce, an’ it was fulla glass pieces, so dad used up about half the list gettin’ her away from the sauce, an’ then the other half cleanin’ it up. he mopped an’ ran the rug sucker onna tiles, an’ then mopped again. he was not happy. i laid low, an’ din’t even come out fur breakfast!


it was all mom’s fault fur leafin’ them crackers out there to taunt me, an’ ya know what? she nefur woke up all through the whole thing! that chapped dad’s cheeks, too;-)

12 comments:

The Meezers said...

holy bast!!! what a 'aciting night! of course it's all the mom's fault. it usually is

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Of course it was your person's fault. As the Meezer's said: it usually is!

Jan's Funny Farm said...

What a tale. Sounds like one of those late night horror stories.

Max said...

I think it's *really* funny that your Mom slept through it all!

Junior and Orion said...

ROFMOL!!!!! Too funny! We are glad no one was hurt by the broken glass.

The Tower Hill Mob said...

If you need to hide out for a few days, come on over....

Fat Eric said...

EEK! How do I guess this is Nitro talking, right??? I;m glad the broken glass didn't hurt anyone. My mum would probably have slept through it too, she is normally a good sleeper,only yesterday she broke her leg so she isn't sleeping well now!

Victor Tabbycat said...

Beans should leaf yummy stuff where we can get it easier, wifout knockin jars to da floor. An asplosif jars shouldn't be left out where we can bump em by accident.
Yup, it's da beans' fault.

Bonnie was the counter asplorer an glass knocker. Musta been her ghost infestigatin the stove the ofur nite. Yup.
Purrs,
Victor

Eric and Flynn said...

Sounds like your dad had a great night! We laffed that your mum slept right through asplodin jars. That must have been the mother and father of top whappage. Yup it was obviously your mum's fault.
Hey! Are you sure it wuzn't Not Mee paying another visit?

Getzger said...

No. Your mom slept through the whole thing? Wow. You guys are awfully lucky to have your dad. He's awfully nice to do all that cleaning up.

A Few Good Cats said...

Now that's a funny story! Nitro, we agree that this is all your human mom's fault. No chips on the table, no salsa on the table, none of this happens, end of story.

The Island Cats said...

Oh wow! That'll teach your mom to leave stuff on the table!