26 August 2006

complicated beans

edmund sez:

it's furry complicated being a she-bean! i watch Her every morning, and she does some furry strange stuff, too. when i jump up on the little table next to the sink, this is what happens:
first, She uses the big litter box, and talks to nels and me. sometimes, he reaches up and pats Her cheek, just to reassure himself that even though She smells so bad, She really is still alive. *hah* it's not like he leaves roses behind!

next, nels leaves and She starts water in the sink. Taking a cloth, She rubs it on a square of good-smelling grease and then rubs the cloth all over Her face, arms, and stuff. then She washes it all off (why go to all the trouble of putting it on?).

then She opens a little door and takes out some more good smelling stuff to rub under Her arms. y'got me on the why of this one, too. it just covers up Her own smell. maybe She does it so nokitty can stalk Her outside.

next, She opens the other little door and takes out a squoosher-outer thing full of white stuff and spreads it on a little brush. She keeps both things behind a door where there are no other squoosher-outer things. She says brushing Her teef with hydrocortisone once was enuf. maybe She should drink that koffee stuff first, instead of when She goes out the door to work. i know from observation that there's a lot smaller chance of Her doing dorky stuff after She drinks some.

here's the part you won't believe, but i swearta bast it's true! She takes Her upper teef (fangs, chewers, and all) out of Her mouth and starts rubbing them with that brush!! see, i toldja you wouldn't believe it.

after that, She puts the brush in Her mouth and rubs. then She slurps water and spits, and puts the upper teef back in. now Her mouth smells all minty, which is good. when She was talkin' to me and nels earlier, we could tell She hadn't gargled with catnip lately.

then She uses another kind of brush and grooms Her headfur. i likes to do that for Her (without the brush), but on the days She "goes to work", She won't let me.

then She says, "ed, it's time for the unveiling". She whips off the smooth blue pelt She puts on at bedtime, and hangs it up on the wall. i wish i could have a removable pelt; it'd come in handy sometimes, like b-a-t-h-s.

then She goes back in Her den, and when She comes out again, She's got a whole new pelt on.

then She goes to the kitchen and makes a peanut butter sammich and gets a cup of koffee, and if She didn't hit the sleep alarm too many times, sits down at the table to read the paper and share the sammich with us. we all sit like vultures on the table, waiting, and She gives us little pieces while saying, "i can't believe i'm rewarding your rotten behavior this way!" if She is late, we just get outta Her way!
so that's morning at at our house. we're azawsted by this time, and practically fall down for naps right where we are. it's a good thing we nap frequently; we get to wake up, go potty; nap, groom a little; nap, get a drink; nap, nibble; nap, nap. i don't know how beans do it!!

4 comments:

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

she takes her TEEF all the way outta her mouf? whoa! do any of her offur parts come off? that's all the way weird! an she insults yur bee-haav-yur efurry day? isn't that kinda rude? i mean, ya must be good once in a while, dontcha?

Patches & Mittens said...

Our Momma takes her eyes out! She puts them in little round plastic things! Then she gets in the square box and lets it rain on her and she uses soap all over. Then she starts sneezing cuz she says she is lergic to the perfume in the soap, so why does she use it?

Patches

Scooby, Shaggy & Scout said...

We hope you aren't in trouble telling on your moms procedures in the morning. our mom has a bitey thing she wears at night in her mouth so she won't clench her teeth and have a sore jaw. She's a very tense woman. Our mom is a pelt switcher too! Our mom doesn't drink that coffee stuff but she drinks something called Pepsi and it does the same thing. She has to have it in the morning or she is just not herself! Aren't they just totally wierd!?!?!?

Skeeeeezix the Cat said...

Can sumwun tell me whut's in that koffey stuff? Is it a majik poshun? The Food Lady can't funkshun without drinking a lot of it immediutly after she wakes up frum her long nitetime nap. After she drinks it, she becomes a diffrint persun. What's up with that? And it looks and smells HORRIBUL! Wich is why I think it must be majik, otherwize why wood anywun want to drink it?