24 December 2011

worse yet!!!!

a NEW meniss is come upon us!! beware!!
it has happened here in the armpit of missouri--be vigilant! look around carefully as you as you do your patrols!! maybe they're in YOUR city, too!

we fink it must be because there were so many vishus deers in our fair city last year, the powerful beans sed it was ok to hunt them (hunt the deers, not the powerful beans; although mommer says there are a few bea-- *ow* mommer! whydja swat me????  You don't have to repeat everything you hear, buster.) 

ennyhow, as i was sayin' befur i was so rudely innerupted, we thought there would be lotsa ex-deers around here after that pronouncement. you know--that they'd passed on! they were no more! they had ceased to be! they'd expired and gone to meet their maker! they'd be stiffs! bereft of life, resting  in peace (dona eis requiem)! their metabolic processes would be history! they'd kicked the bucket, shuffled off their mortal coils, rung down the curtain, and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! you know--ex-deers!!

but NO!! they are so vishus, so tenashus, so heinously determined to annialate the cat population that they even come. back. from. the. other. side!

kitties, keep yer VDR handy ... we allus knew they would come fur us one day, but at this season of peace an' joy? well, what else could you expect from

22 December 2011


we posted our cautionary PG-13 catsmas carol yesterday, an' what to our wondering eyeballs appeared in our mornin' noospaper? THIS:  The City of Springfield has been Infiltrated by Vishus Deer!!!

 oh, dear bast!! here they are in our city hall, schmoozin' the human beans!
the he-deer keeps em' off guard wif his ragtime tunes, and then ... 
 you kin bet yer last toenail that the fancy-schmancy she-deer is checkin' out these kids for kitty-hairs!! then when no one is lookin', the VDs will foller 'em home and *GULP*!! 
pretty snazzy fur a cat-eatin' meniss, no? we kin see how beans get fooled.

now we hasta write annover song:
oh, unholy night!!!!

21 December 2011

PG-13 Catsmas Carol

we wrote this a few years ago, but fink we could post it again for efurrycat who's wondering how to cope wif the vishus deers that for some reason sandy paws finks are necessary to pull his sled. be sure young kits don't see it unless you approves it, acause the furst part could scare them. for those of you cats who are a little new to the CB, vishus deers were furst identified by skeezix, who works at Mousebreath now wif his food lady. here is a little description.

Up onna housetop, the reindeers pause,
Scratchin’ an’ scrabblin’ wif vishus claws,
Hunting the tender yung joosy cats,
Red-eyed an' wearin' their santa hats.

CHORUS: Oh, no, no! We wouldn't go,
    Oh, no, no! Not wif reindeers, no!
    Up onna housetop oh so slick,
    We ain't gonna fall for no reindeer trick!

Out hops the fat man and down he goes,
Laden wif gifts an’ treats an’ bows,
But the reindeers are plotting something mean:
They’ve got visions of cats dressed as cuisine!

They leap for the chimbly and try to dive
Down to the front room where kitties hide,
Snortin’ an’ stampin’ ‘cause they won’t fit--
Antlers too big--so they hafta quit.

Jumpin’ off the roof, they land on their toes
An’ they tippy-tippy-tippy to a window that glows
Wif the light of the catsmas tree so gay
An’ a glimpse of some sweet li’l cats at play.

Now they tippy-tippy-tippy to the tinseled door
An’ let themselves in, tippy-tippy some more,
Sneakin’ down the hall—just a little clatter—
But the sharp-eared kitties begin to scatter!

Now Santa has flown up the chimbly tall--
He sees no sleigh an’ is just appalled.
The reindeer advance on the kitties small . . .
Oh, noes! It could be the end of ‘em all!

But these cats are smart an' they’re all prepared
(If the deers had known, they'da nefur dared).
Behind all the chairs an’ the sofa wide
The cats just bide their time and hide.

The reindeer come snoopin’ to see what’s what,
An’ the kitties let loose wif some powerful stuff!
The deers make a beeline right out the door--
Soaked with Mao & Rocky’s VDR!

The reindeers fly off wif no backward look
An’ the fat man his mittened fist he shook.
He slides off the roof and looks mighty glum
Then walks to the street an’ sticks out his thumb.

The kitties cry out, “Oh Santa, noes!
“C’mon back in an’ thaw your toes.
“We’ll share our temptations an’ milk wif you,
“We’re good little kitties, you know that’s true.”

So the fat man sits down an’ enjoys a treat
An’ skritches each kitty tumblin’ ofur his feet.
He is warm and so happy he got to stay,
But now it is time to be on his way.

He calls Mrs. Claus for the backup sleigh
(Not pulled by deers but by horsies grey).
As he mounts to the sky, all the kitties hear,
“Happy Catsmas to All—and no deer next year!!!"

20 December 2011

anovver catsmas carol ...

 if you wantsta add to yer repertoyer, here's one fer ya:

anovver catsmas carol ...

 if you wantsta add to yer repertoyer, here's one fer ya:

19 December 2011

a catsmas carol frum our house to yers!!!

(sung to the tune of "Here We Come A-Wassailing" -- (if ya don't know the "wassailin'" tune, you kin go here an' press the "song title" button wif the sideways triangle onnit. we is sorry it is so small; hope you kin biggify it on yer screen.)