*grumblegrumblegrumblehissspitgrumble* *head sunk on paws*
Last Mate Dammit (plunks self down on bench. cuddles up): meeyarr, Furst Mate Nitro. *lick* ye be in a right foul mood t'day. what be thy prollem? *lick* we be huddled up in a truly fine snuggery (although i be some wary as to th' speed o' the service) wi' a nexcellent array o' potions to soothe the savage soul, an' vittles fit fr' a piratekingcat!Nitro the Red: i'll be thankin' ye t' quit slurpin' me. i be not subject to yer blandishments. *cuff* *lick*
Last Mate Dammit: hah! ye licked me back, din'tcha?
Nitro the Red: aye, that be true enough, sprat. but this be Meow Like a Pirate Day, an' whilst we be meowing in the prescribed manner, here we be, landlocked an' bereft o' our beloved Cap'n Meow Fang.
Last Mate Dammit: why be that, big bruvver?
Nitro the Red: hush thy gob, thou baitfish. i be not thy bruvver aboard ship, i be thy... ahhh, dogpuckey. we be not aboard ship. bruvver it is. *lick* to continue: we be landlocked becawse th' good ship Cat o'Nine Tails be in drydock after that li'l miscalculation last month ...
an' the scurvy drydockers say t'will be yet weeks befur the necessary parts be here frum Chiner. an' Cap'n Meow Fang be havin' a nappointment t'day at th' Hair Club fer Mencats, onnacounta his hinder parts be summat lackin' in follicles. wif autumn an' winter approachin', he be quite conserned.
Last Mate Dammit: but why can't we just sail fur tropical lands when it be cold?
Nitro the Red: betweenst thee an' me, my lad, there be more to it than the cold. i finks our Cap'n be just the teentsiest bit vain, an' likes not the image that glares back at him from the lookin' glass. but noise that not abroad, er i'll be forced t'keelhaul ye. *lick*
Last Mate Dammit: arrrr, ye know i'll be silent as the grave. *silent meow* but where be iggy an' xing?
Nitro the Red: i knows not. since th' Cat o' Nine Tails be laid up an' shore leave were declared, they haf not been seen. all i knows is, they be not together. xing be prolly tucked up inna frilly ladycat's apartment, as she do love her creature comforts. iggy prolly lolls inna window somewhere down at th' nearest pet shop, whiffin' guppies an' neon tetras, such bein' as close as we be t' the blessed sea in these parts.
Last Mate Dammit: y'know, when i entered a while ago, there were a ladycat at the bar who slipped me a map an' sed it would direct us to a great treasure. would it not please th' Cap'n if we could put us onna trail o' our next adventure? i haf inscribed a plan or two onnit ...
Nitro the Red: *rolling, stretching* aye, that it would. he hath been no little moody since that calico ladycat bid him take hisself out onna next tide when we visited th' Catnip Isles. he were right put out, an' t'wouldn't surprise me a bit did it haff summat t' do wif our wee mishap last month. he were drivin', ye know.
so, sonnydammitjim, let us see this map. *finally raises head from paws*
*eyeballs roll wildly* OOOOOOO! a FEVVER!!!! *claws slice through the air, he leaps to the table, the feather becomes unmoored from its inkwell, and an errant breeze from an open window wafts it aloft where it makes its way outside* *coiled spring steel muscles in Nitro's hindquarters take over, and he, too, is aloft and on his way through the window*
Last Mate Dammit: big bruvver! big bruvver!! will ye not wait fur me?? i cannot jump as far as ye ... *scurries over table and onto floor. skittering for all he is worth, he rounds the bar and vanishes out the door*
big bruvver!!! ... big bruvver!!! ... big bruvver!!! *fade out*
