18 September 2013


meYARRRR, me heartycats! i, capn' mao fang, do welcome thee t'the flotilla as it forms around our bonny ship, ye cat o'nine tails!

once again, it be me honor an' me sorrow to bid ye think a moment on those kitties what sail not wif us this year. there be a powerful lot o'them, an' we purrs an' purrrays we meets wif them again when davy jonescat sails us unner the Bridge when our times come, as sure they will. doff thy headgear, if ye please.
now, if ye will, step aboard an' acquaint yerselfs wif the mess hall ('tis fur nommin', mind ye, not "messin'", which takes place onnee orlop deck--which be not the poop deck, either), an' choose thy berth if ye sails wif us. if ye visits only an' hath thy own good ship or a berth wif a furriend, pray help thyself to victuals an' stay t'chat an' sing so long as thee will. later, we shall up anchor an' take ourselfs away t' the south, the beautyous land o' rio!

an' now, me furriends, let us feast an' drink in memory o'our companions! (leads the way down the ladder. ooooohs and ahhhhhs are heard from all.) 

may ye find yer heart's desire in food an' drink--there be more in rooms beyond, so foller thy noses!

 efurry nom fur an obligate carnivore be here, an' all manner o'spiritous consumables from high-falutin' brella drinks t' honest toona joos. make merry, an' deddycate a moufful an' a swig or two to the mem'ry o'thy furriends!

(soon all sounds give way to slurpchompgobble *erp* gimme! smacksmacksmack slobbernomnomnommitynomnom slurppity *burp* 'scuse laplaplapswigslurp ... well, you get the picture.)

at last, a few drift upward to the main deck, and depart to their own ships. soon after, the clanking sound of the anchor being hauled up from the sea bottom is evident, and those not comatose er, preoccupied with postprandial naps under the tables find comfy beds in cabins.

a group of younger ship's company of cats roll singin' from th' companionway. their giggles an' laffs obscure the song, but it is finally understood as::

 "a capital ship fur an ocean trip was the wallopin' window blind.
no breeze that blew dismayed her crew or troubled the cap'n's mind ..."

STOW IT! STOW IT, Y'HEAR????? that be not our sailin' song! where be ye gettin' that nonsense?

(young kitt:) igmu were heard hummin' it, yer worshipfulness. he teached the kits belowdecks when ye wast not aboard, sirrr.

(mao fang:) oh, aye? then i will deal wif him later. d'any of ye know the ackshul tune we squall er, sing as we make way? anycat? anycat?

nitro? xing?
ken ye not the best shanty efur t'grace the seas?

ah, blast it t'bast! what ignoramuses we must deal wif these days. why, in cap'n nels's day ...

(mellowing):: be there anycat 'mongst you as can gif us th'tune "common sailorcats"?

a new crewcat steps forth an' draws her bow across a fiddle. "i belief i know th'air, cap'n. wouldst gif me the sayso?"

aye, wif a right good will, lass. at thy pleasure! (fiddlin' begins, an' mao fang gifs us a rare treat [all the more rare in that it be at one bell o'th' forenoon watch 'nsted of eight bells o'th'middle watch]:)

I'm the cat before the mast
That ploughs the ragin' sea
And on this simple subject
Will you please enlighten me?
Common sailorcats we're called
Come tell me the reason why
And on this simple subject I'll reply:

Don't you call us common sailorcats no more
Don't you call us common sailorcats no more
Good things to you we bring
Don't you call us common cats no more
We're as good as anycat that's on shore.

The young girlcats o'this country
(Their growin' days we bless)
We brings them silks an' satins
Out of which they makes a dress
To gain th'heart of some young cat
As fancy dresses do
Don't nefur despise the sailorcats
That sails the ocean blue.

The young mancats o'this country
They're sittin' at their ease
Not thinkin' on the stormy nights
That we spends on the seas
We brings the leafs to make nipcigars
T'decorated their face
They wouldn't call us common 
If they were in our place!

When speakin' of a cat ashore
We nefur hear you say,
He's a common this or a common that
Be his callin' what it may
Be he a travelin' tinker
Or a scavenger or a sweep--
Then why call us common sailorcats
Who battles wif the deep!

paws patter enthusiastically from all around, even from other ships, as mao feng's voice does carry somewhat.  then he speaks:

bretheren an' sisteren, we be nearin' our port o'call! ship's boats will take ye t'th'beach (do thou remember th' comfort stations be BEHIND th' bushes.)

here ye see th'reason th'comfort stations be BEHIND the bushes: t'would be unkind to our gentle hostbeans t'do otherwise.

we haf arranged fur some charmin' transportation from th'beach t'th' harbor area. th'chariots be a wee bit bouncy (an' sometimes fragrant), but 'tis not a common mode o'conveyance, an' ye'll not see the like o'it in yer home port, so climb aboard! explore t'yer heart's content--we sail not til efurry last cat hath returned t'th' ships!

these carryohkas, as the beans do style theyselfs, be fair furriendly an' fond o' kittehs in particular, goin' so far as to emulate our sleek an' elegant selves. 

howsomeefur, be thou courteous, as befits the bretheren o'th'sea. trifle not wif the fevvers ye see on th'clothin' o'th' natifs! pluckin' THESE birds would be a matter for keel-haulin'!

we haf reserved this cozy room inna Casa de Gata hotel inna harbor, should ye wish a nap onna comfy bed that rocketh not durin' the day. tell 'em cap'n mao fang sent ye, an' the buffet will be free;-)

ye kin count on a meal, a nap, an' a skritch wheresomeefur ye go. just let them not convince ye that "coconut milk" be milk. it be not. 


a werd o'warnin' will i giff ye:  these be not kitteh toys (although they be called "poi toys" or "cariocas" like the beans!) should ye see some lyin' unattended, be thou wary. others may be near about an' come flyin' at yer haid wifout warnin'. carryokhas exercise wif 'em, an' whilst no bean would conk ye inna haid apurpose, they whirls an' spins 'em whilst dancin', an' the ribbands be all fluttery-like, but attemptin' t'catch 'em would be temptin' th'fates. they be not fevvers onna string. if ye were not conked, ye might be stomped!

this kitteh will be glad t'meet ye at the escadaria selaron (selaron's staircase) an' giff ye a tour. it be all cool tiles, an' a delightsome place to lounge an' watch th'world go by!

inna nearby park, there be this climbin' wall fur kittehs what loves t'perch high an' peer out through greenery an' purrtend they truly be th'junglecats in their souls!
at last 'tis time t'return t'our sturdy ships an' true, an' sail back whence we came--replete wif noms 'n' grog 'n' new memries of a fine stay inna fine place. 

companions all, as we returns t'port this day, we giffs ye thanks for thy company an' furriendship o'er the years, on land an' at sea. may ye efur bear our adventures in mind in a gladsome way, an' think on us wif luff, as do we think o'you!!

::sotto voce:: now, where be that scurvy knavecat, igmu? he'll be takin' a singin' lesson ere long, by th'powers! "wallopin' window blind" sez he? meeeYARRRR!

16 September 2013

an' then i sez . . .

lemme see now.  then i sez, "avast, ye swabcats, i ... "

are ya gettin' this, mommer? MLAP's only a couple of days away!!